Droughts sometimes settle on us like the plagues of Egypt, but without the locusts. You would think we might at least get some free bait. Global warming typically gets the blame, but I can’t say that I fully understand this connection. If global warming were the cause, wouldn’t we all just be in hot water?
On second thought, maybe I am.
To fishermen, a drought is a real problem. For instance, some of the streams I fish are so low that I can’t tell if I’m catching rainbows or these are merely brown trout with sunburns.
Boaters are especially hard hit, and even worse, boat dealers. One boat show I went to had extremely low attendance. The only people to show up were the optimists. Everyone else missed quite a show. One company came out with a line of boats especially for droughts. They had training wheels.
Anyone who goes to a lake in this weather will find it almost inaccessible. The water level drops below the end of the launching ramps, docks sit on dry ground, and channel markers become mere suggestions. In fact, the Department of Natural Resources has a special name for lakes during a drought. They call them “ponds.”
The weather service measures the rainfall and has numerous calculations to determine whether we’re in a drought. But I find their calculations are far more complex than necessary. I have my own indicators of drought which I’m willing to share. If you see any of these things, you know it’s a drought.
Signs of Drought
1) You can tell the number of months since the last rain by counting high-water lines at the lake.
2) All the weather forecasts are reruns. They start with, “Expect it to be hot and dry today . . .”
3) You see Neptune in the unemployment line.
4) None of the circus elephants can squirt anymore.
5) The only stroke at the neighborhood swim meet is the crawl. And they do it on all fours.
6) The news reports another parting of the Red Sea. Only this time, it’s because there’s not enough water to go all the way across.
7) When you toss coins into fountains to make a wish, they give back change.
8) The local fly shop quit selling chest waders; they now only offer knee-highs.
9) All your flies are dry flies.
10) When you pull out a fish, it leaves a hole.
11) It’s so hot and dry you can crack an egg on your sidewalk and make powdered eggs.
12) Farmers stop spraying weeds. They figure they need them for the shade.
13) Smokey the Bear starts wearing Dr. Scholl’s gel pads due to excessive fire stomping.
14) During the winter, it gets so dry that it sleets dry ice.
15) Your town collects money to seed the clouds. Unfortunately, the clouds aren’t even wet enough for the seeds to sprout.
16) You no longer have to make your own beef jerky. All you do is order a pepper steak and wait.
17) Owners of convertibles go through the car wash with their tops down so they can simultaneously shower.
18) For your birthday, you ask for bottled water.
19) A guy with a divining rod keeps pointing at your toilet.
20) The last time it poured cats and dogs, they were only kittens and puppies.
Once we confirm a drought is upon us, water conservation becomes so critical that none of us can do enough. Here are a few tips on things I’ve tried.
For starters, I’ve stopped filling the bird bath. I figure most of those little rascals are brown anyway, so who’s going to show a little dirt? For the ones that still show up, I pass out wet wipes.
Also, you can stop watering your yard. In my case, I planted it in shrubs and invited the neighbors to walk their dogs.
We no longer go water-skiing. Instead, I tie the ski rope to a bicycle and pull the kids on skateboards.
Fishermen have different challenges during a drought, as all their tactics have to change. But in some cases, a drought may present special opportunities as well.
For example, as the water drops, the fish will become bunched up. If they are really crowded, some of them may want out. These are the ones to fish for.
Since the water is so low, especially on mountain streams, fish spook easily. To avoid scaring them you should keep a low profile, dress in drab clothes, and try not to look so carnivorous.
Norman Maclean, a great writer and fisherman, would surely have something to say about our ongoing dry spell. And if he did, he’d probably title it, “A Creek Trickles Through It.”
Are you dreaming of owning some country land of your own? View rural land for sale throughout the South on our parent company's website, RaydientPlaces.com.
